It isn't easy being human
by ShadesofNight
Summary: Seras was just like any other officer in the D11 corps. That is, until her father died and she got an offer that she couldn't refuse. SxA
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the Hellsing characters are mine.

**Chapter 1**

Slamming the door to her apartment shut Seras sighed in relief at finally being home, it sure had been one gruelling day in the D-11 corps. Of course, the constant taunting she received from Jack didn't help at all.

"Kitty indeed..." Seras muttered, throwing off her bullet proof vest and flopping down on the couch.

Upon joining the force she had received no end of trouble about her gender and how weak she was. For weeks she had just put up with it, until one day Seras had snapped. She wasn't just some little girl who they all had to protect, damn it! And she would not be a weakness! Of course, she hadn't really come to that conclusion alone.

Truth be known, she had come home nearly in tears, only to find her father waiting for her. Oh what an embarrassment for a girl who always tried to seem tough. He hadn't scolded her though, instead he told Seras to be strong, and suggested that she find her strengths, and improve them to compensate for her physical weakness.

Seras hadn't really understoodat first, until she found a folder sitting on her coffee table containing the contact details for a few people specialising in martial arts and fighting. Then it all clicked into place. She wasn't strong, but she might be able to make up for that with her dexterity if she trained hard enough.

And train she did, even going so far as to doing some weight training, so that even though she wasn't strong, she wasn't quite as weak anymore, either.

The guys still pestered her, but it didn't really matter as much as it used to, Seras knew she was _good_ at something now.

At least, that was until Jack came along.

Letting forth a muffled scream of outrage through clenched teeth Seras hurled her vest at the far wall of her apartment before flopping down on the couch.

Honestly, that man never gave up. He seemed determined to constantly pester her throughout every moment of her day.

Raking a hand through her shaggy blond hair Seras sagged against the arm of her couch, absently searching around for the television remote.

Just as her hand finally grasped the plastic object, which had been hiding rather skilfully under one of the cushions, a shrill ringing pierced the air.

Seras groaned, 'What _now._' she thought with mild annoyance.

Grudgingly stalking over to a small stand by her doorway (Seras had been forced to situate the phone there after repeatedly being called _right_ after she had just exited the apartment) she swiped the offensively ringing object up.

"Hello?" she answered with as much false cheer as she could muster, before grumbling under her breath, "This had better be good."

"Good evening, am I speaking to a Miss Seras Victoria?"

Seras stiffened at the formal tone of the man on the other end of the phone, she always associated formality with bad news. It usually meant people were trying to be as polite as they could before swiftly completing their purpose and making a hasty retreat.

Thinking as quickly as she could, Seras tried to bring anything to mind that she could have possibly done wrong lately. The only thing that came to mind was throwing a few choice insults back at Jack when he called her Kitten. And a kick here and there. She cringed, surely he didn't go and rat on her to the higher ups, did he?

"Yes I am Seras. May I ask what this is about?"

"I am afraid I have some bad news for you, Miss Victoria. Concerning Henry Victoria, your father." the voice intoned with some sympathy.

"My father? Is he alright?", she could feel panic start to creep into her voice. "Oh god, he didn't get shot again did he? I keep telling him to be careful! He isn't exactly young anymore." Seras sighed in exasperation, she had lost count of the number of times her father had been shot in the line of duty, and he nearly gave her a heart attack every time. Honestly, wasn't it her job to be reckless and give him scares, not the other way around?

There was a pause from the other end, as if the man was choosing his next words carefully, "I'm afraid not Miss Victoria. Your father has... Passed away."

"Wh-what?" Seras stammered, her legs giving way as she fell to the floor with a dull thud, not even noticing the slight pain as she sat there stunned. She gulped, it had to be a mistake, this had to be a dream. "How?" her voice croaked, she had to remember to breathe.

"...A gunshot to the head." he replied hesitantly.

Seras let out a small, weak laugh. "Hah! I knew one day he'd take a shot and wouldn't get up from it. Ha ha... ha..." She trailed off, her bottom lip trembling as she felt tears burning at her eyes, blurring her vision.

"Miss Victoria." His voice sounded somewhat stern now, almost as if he was scolding her. As if she wasn't supposed to be breaking down at the news that her only living relative, the person closest to her who knew her the best, was now dead.

She almost snorted at the idea, what did he think she was, a zombie with no emotions at all? "Yes?" she said bluntly, wishing he would hang up already and leave her to her grief.

"There was something else I wished to speak to you about."

Now she really did sigh, what more could there be? "What is it?" she asked, feeling any desire to be civil draining away along with her mood.

"It is my understanding that you are a member of the D11 corps, is this correct?"

"Yes..." Seras replied with uncertainty, she didn't know where this was leading.

"I see. That is all, I am sorry for your loss. Farewell."

Before she knew it, or could even contemplate a reply the dial tone was droning in her ear. Seras blinked, 'That was... odd...' She sighed again, wondering where her fathers body was being held, and dreading the coming headache she would no doubt get when she tried to arrange his funeral.

-----

A/N: I know this chapter is short, for some reason it seems to be happening with all the chapters for this fanfic shrug


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"What do you mean he was already _cremated_?!" Seras shrieked into her phone.

Before the poor mortuary attendant could attempt to explain, she cut the woman off, "I know for a _fact_, that there was _nothing_ in my fathers will about being cremated! How could this have happened?!"

Seras didn't know if she was bordering on murder or hysterics. Even with a bullet in his head, she'd hoped that the wound wouldn't be too gruesome, and that maybe she would get to see her father again, even if he was dead. And now there was no chance for that, none at all. They had gone and _cremated_ him just like that. She could feel her anger returning and pinched the bridge of her nose in aggravation. Sure Seras expected a few small problems to pop up, but nothing like this.

"I'm sorry Miss Victoria, there must have been a mistake when the body was passed to us, a mistake in documentation or something..."

Calming down at the attendants somewhat shaky words, Seras realized that it was unfair to take her anger out on the woman, who likely had nothing to do with this mistake. And now it was done... Well, there wasn't really anything that could be done about it. 'Okay Seras, you can handle this, just another hiccup along the way... What does it matter if it's a coffin or an urn anyway? At least an urn is lighter, and less costly...'

Scrunching her eyes shut Seras took a deep breath before finally responding. "When can I take him home?"

The attendant seemed greatly relieved at Seras' change in mood, "There are only a few pieces of paper for you to sign, and then you are free to collect his ashes. You can come by any time during our open hours."

Seras nodded, then recalling she was speaking on the phone, replied with a simple "Thank you, I'll collect his ashes tomorrow."

_A week later..._

Seras stared in horror at the civilians currently approaching her unit. They had been given orders to go to a small village called Cheddar where a cult of some sort had begun to form. Given permission to use lethal force if they had to, their mission was to take out the leader of this cult, the church minister.

She shuddered at the thought that someone who was supposed to protect and help people instead lead them astray, to the point where they would no longer even listen to reason.

'That minister must be one really charismatic guy.'

As her unit watched the civilians advancing, Seras scrunched up her nose, 'What _is_ that awful smell?' she thought before a man shambled into the light of their camp.

And that was what brought her to her current state. Horror. Were those people... _rotting?_ Seras fought the urge to gag at the sight of gaping wounds and dripping flesh.

'Urgh, I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life.'

Distantly she heard the other members of her unit shouting out warnings to the civilians, ordering them to stop where they were. Of course none of them did.

'No, that would have been _far _too easy.' Seras quipped sarcastically to herself.

A shot rang out through the clearing, a warning shot since all verbal warnings had failed but they just kept advancing. Seras bit her lip and forced herself to stay calm, she breathed deeply-

'Urk! Better not do that again.'

Wincing at the odour that seemed to have grown even more pungent now, she guessed that it was coming from those who were currently approaching.

Another shot, this one hit the closest target in the leg, aiming to disable. Surprisingly the villager kept moving forward, though Seras noticed a nauseating crunching sound coming from his leg every time he stepped on it. 'Must have hit the bone' , her brain grimly pointed out as more shouts barkedin warning.

'Must stay calm... It's just a bunch of rotting villagers approaching us and ignoring any damage we do to them. Nothing wrong with that...'

Suddenly Seras recalled all those horror movies with zombies and all manner of bizarre and gruesome creatures in them. 'Now that I think about it, they do look awfully hungry' she thought giddily, 'I wonder who the main character is?'

Then time sped up.

In what seemed like only a second shots began firing upon villagers, the sharp smell of gunpowder drifting hazily through the air. This didn't appear to hinder the efforts of the villagers in the least however. Still on the verge of panic and half lost in her thoughts, Seras recalled that to kill a zombie you had to shoot it in the head. She pulled the trigger.

_Bang!_

In that instant the shouts of the men around her got louder, gun shots were still being fired, and everything just seemed to be going far too _fast_...

Determined to not be a weakness to her unit Seras aimed and fired again, and again, and again. Soon her clip was empty and she replaced it with another one, unloading bullets into the closest villagers. She tried not to focus on the gaping wounds of the poor woman, or the body that fell to the ground a few feet away from her.

_Bang!_ The creature 'Yes, _creature_, it's easier if I don't think of them as human. I'm just having a bad dream. Do you die in the real world if you die in your dream?' swayed a little from her shot, before lumbering towards her again.

_Click_.

That had to be one of the most ominous sounds Seras had heard in her life, she tried again. Click. Click, click, click, _click!_

'_Damnit!_' Seras cursed, what a time to run out of ammo.

Even if her mind felt as though it were trudging through goo, her reactions were still in full swing as she backhanded the creature with her gun before sweeping a leg under it and hopping back as it fell it the ground.

There were screams around her now, full of terror and she shuddered to think of what was happening to the men attached to those screams as she backed away further.

A hand landed on her shoulder, And Seras almost gave Jack a black eye before realising that the threat was in front of her, not behind. Now she noted that their unit had shrunk remarkably since the arrival of the... former-villagers.

"Kitten!"

Seras snapped her head up, expression changing from alert to confused at the clip in Jack's hand as he held it out to her.

"What-" she began hesitantly.

"You're the fastest among us, so you have to go to the church and take out that minister! I don't know if that will stop these monsters, but it's worth a shot!", he thrust his hand towards her again.

Seras would have liked to point out then that zombies in horror movies usually didn't have a leader, and even if they did, killing that leader wouldn't stop the zombies themselves. Instead she looked down and noticed the bite wound on Jacks arm, the desperation in his voice. Before she knew it her hand had taken the clip and snapped it into her gun.

"Okay kitten, run north and you should come to a road, then follow it to the left and you should get to the church. It's... ah... in a graveyard. So you might wanna be careful there."

Mind now filing with visions of decaying corpses crawling out of the ground, Seras slowly nodded her head, "You can count on me, I'll be back before you know it!". She tried to give him a smile, but it ended up being more of a grimace. He understood though.

Seras turned and fled into the forest.

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A/N: Hmm, not much I can think to say about this chapter. In response to Rose d'Ombre: This fic is set in the anime universe. I've seen bits and pieces of the manga, but never read it unfortunately. Though I did know, and completely forget about what happens to Seras' parents in the manga. Thank you for bringing it up, it gives me something to think about.

Thank you to Rose d'Ombre, DaysOfTheNight, Ludifer, and alucardgal for your reviews!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Chest heaving Seras gulped down the slightly chilled air in ragged breaths as she sprinted through the woods. It didn't _help_ that it was so damn _gloomy_.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered why forests always had to be dark whenever you were running through them. Why couldn't they be bright and sunny for once?

Seras stumbled over another root and quickly righted herself, muttering curses that would make a sailor blush, not risking a glance behind her to see if any of those _creatures_ were trailing her. The screams could still be heard faintly drifting alone in the direction that she had come from, this pushed her to run faster.

Her lungs burned as she tried to pull in enough air, mind struggling to stay focused solely on the task at hand. Briefly glancing up at the moon, she stopped dead. The sky was blood red... Why hadn't she noticed that before?

A shudder flickered down her spine as Seras set off again, her target now in sight as the vague outline of a building became visible over the next hill. Taking a deep breath and preparing herself for what was to come Seras slowed her steps, focusing more on stealth as she crept around the gravestones.

'God, I hope skeletons don't start popping out of the ground.' she thought as her footsteps slowly approached one of the high windows.

'_Damn_ I can't even get a glimpse inside, sometimes I really hate being short.'

Seras sighed and edged along the side of the building with her back to the wall, gun held ready. The faint scent of candles drifted through a crack in the doors as she neared them, and cautiously she put a hand to one of the planks of wood.

_Creeaaakk..._

Cringing as the door swung inwards Seras quickly stepped inside, eyes darting around the building for any signs of danger.

After taking a step forward the familiar stench of rotting flesh hitting her nose before wide blue eyes locked with a figure standing near the back of the church only partially illuminated by the surrounding candles.

"The minister..."

Red eyes gleamed in the soft candle light, an amused smile pulling at the ministers lips. He walked slowly over to an altar with a book laying open upon it.

His smooth voice floated towards her, "Ah, a beautiful young maiden... Full of life, and yet so surprised at Hells messenger."

One eye turned to her and pinned Seras where she stood, a slight sneer curling back pale lips, "Pitiful."

Struggling to remain focused as something seemed to be pulling her mind in another direction, Seras forced her voice to work, "You... you're the minister who the people looked up to... The townspeople, they..." She shuddered recalling the creatures that attacked her men.

"The ghouls outside? Mere living dead existing to follow the commands of the vampire that sucked their blood.", he seemed almost smug as he said the words. The minister was walking towards her now and Seras couldn't help but notice his fangs. Mind screaming at her to flee, she noticed with a vague sense of dread that her feet had remained rooted to the spot and unable to move.

"Vampires..." Seras whispered in dawning horror. 'Now I just _know_ I'm in a horror movie.', her mind commented helpfully.

"Indeed," came the melodious reply. "Not all humans are worthy to be turned into fellow vampires..."

Seras half listened to the droning minister while her mind skittishly raced ahead of her. 'What kills a vampire, what kills a vampire... Wooden stakes! Do I have any wooden stakes? No, drat. Um... Sunlight! Drat again, no sunlight hanging around in my back pockets. Immersion in cold water? Uhh.. Seras, I seriously doubt he'd let you dunk him in a bath, not that you have one of those handy either.' Seras sighed, it was a sure sign of stress when she started talking to herself like this.

'Silver! Crosses! ..._Damnit_ I left the cross necklace dad gave me at home. I could have... well, poked his eye out with it or something... would a tiny silver cross to the eye kill a vampire? Uhh, what el-'

Her rambling thoughts were cut short as Seras' vision blurred and a wave of dizziness hit her. All her thoughts could conjure was a faint 'What...?' as her heart beat sang through her ears. Then her feet left the ground.

Seras felt weightless, mind struggling to keepup as her body seemed to float towards the minister. Her eyelids felt so _heavy_, but she still managed to voice a weak protest.

"Let me go..." she murmured, eyelids already drooping under the vampires hypnotic gaze.

"Ah, you have such a warm and delicate taste flowing within your body, I won't make you into a ghoul..." the vampire chuckled as his hand slid around to unzip the front of Seras' vest allowing him better access to her neck.

Seras grit her teeth, willing her body to move as she raised her gun with a shaking hand to press it against the vampires head.

"I... will shoot..." she warned as she felt her grip slipping, strength drifting away as a sluggish fog began creeping back over her brain.

A loud crash sounded as the church doors were suddenly blown inward, the sound of a single gunshot the only sound that could be heard after the dust had cleared.

The vampire staggered back from the shot to his head, not seeming to notice the wound as he turned enraged eyes to the girl in front of him, focusing entirely on breaking her mind and leaving her helpless.

A scream clawed its way out of her throat as Seras clamped her hands on her ears trying to stop the pain now running rampant in her head. She didn't even notice the ghouls now standing from the nearby pews to confront soldiers storming through the broken doors.

Seras couldn't concentrate on anything but the pain raking through her mind before a shot sounded near her.

The last things she saw before losing consciousness were the vampire minister falling into a swirling pile of dust, a hole clearly blown through where his face had been. Then there was the face of a soldier dressed in a green combat uniform as her vision faded into a comforting darkness.

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A/N: Yay another chapter. My writing ability has been playing dead for this past week, but I think it's finished now. So hopefully I'll still be able to get Chapter 4 done for next week.

Also, the only version I've seen of the Hellsing anime has kinda odd subtitles in the first episode. And I don't like to copy dialog right off something (it's just boring). That's why I shortened and altered what was said in the above scene, along with the obvious changes that I made specifically for this fic.

And of course thank you to WTFWonder, alucardgal, Ludifer, and EmeraldoftheFlame for your reviews of the last chapter.


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